My husband left Saturday at 3am to Vegas for pre deployment training. As much as I told myself it's only two weeks, and you will be able to talk to him and text him, I have to admit still hard. This is the first time since my husband got out of tech school that I have to be away from him, not sleep in the same bed as him, not be able to see him every day, or even text him all day. It has been a little bit of an adjustment. I had gotten in a routine, he would go to work come home and I would get to spend the evening with him, and on his days off I would spend it with him. And now that I come home to an empty apartment, and not being able to go to bed with him and spend most of the day alone it's a bit scary for when actual deployment gets here.
It's only been two days since he left. The first day was hard, it was a Saturday I didn't have to work, so I spend it at home watching Army Wives eating junk food LOL and today well I had a friend come over and we had dinner and worked on a little deployment project we had planned...Bella (the dog) has been a little sad she waits by the door and sometimes won't even leave my side. It's weird but I think she knew that TJ was leaving because the day he was packing she would not leave his side and follow him everywhere! Even on the way to drop him off usually she waits for me on everything but that day all she wanted to do was be next to him and walk by his side, and for the first time ever she cried the whole time we were driving off base weird I know but I"m not lying. It amazes me how much dogs know without you even telling them. I think that the time difference it's going to be a pain in the butt!!! `8 hour difference it's crazy I am hoping that I can like work it out and still have time to talk to him and not affect his hours.
Even though it's only a 2 week TDY and I know that I can talk to him, it's hard and this is helping me understand a little more what deployment will be like. I didn't actually hit me that TJ was leaving until he walked in with all his gear. It was then that I realized there was no turning back, there was nothing I could do he had to deploy. The feeling I had I can't really explain, I just felt like someone had slapped me back to reality and said "hello, wake up this is really happening" as much as we talked about it, as much as I tried to prepare myself, it didn't actually hit me until he brought the bags home. At that point all I wanted to do was spend time with him and make the last few days count.
When I dropped him off at the squadron, so that he can get on the bus and leave for training the whole way there I was telling myself " Don't cry it's only a two week TDY, don't cry, don't cry" I was very quiet it on the ride there so quiet that Tj kept asking me "are you alright? you are like staring into space" reality was if I said something I was going to cry, I was just telling my self don't cry. I wanted, and have to be strong for him. We have no choice he can't worry about things that are happening or even about me being okay. His head has to be in the game and paying attention at all times, this training is what is going to keep him safe in case something were to happen he needs to pay attention. When he came back from picking up his weapon, he grabbed his bags and put them by the bus so that they can be loaded. He came back to say bye. He hugged me and kissed me and said I love you. I wasn't crying but I was shocked up and I had to make an extra effort to make my words come out of my mouth. I got back in the car and left. I was preparing myself since we got news that he was deploying, but the reality of this is that when the moment is there, you don't know what you are going to do or how you are going to react. After I left I cried my eyes out. I honestly couldn't figure out why. It made me feel better lol!
But I believe that by keeping busy it will help to make time go by fast, and off thinking about being so far apart. Having friend over and friends that one can rely on will so be a big help. Thank God that I will have Micah and Keirstin for support. Deployments, TDYs, or anything that requires to be away from my Airman will NEVER be easy, but with time your get stronger and you learn new ways to deal with him being away, and the distance.
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