The first week is the hardest..

  So the hubby has been gone for about a week now, and it's been crazy. I've been trying to adjust to being away from him, and it's hard. I get to talk to him everyday though. When he first left it was weird because I wasn't sure when I was going to be able to hear from him, but I kept my cool and try no to get to anxious.
  He is working nights so communication is alright, sometimes I wake up early in the morning just to talk to him, or I would go to bed late if he is up.

  I have found that keeping busy and having friends over, helps you a lot specially that first week when I'm trying to adjust to him being gone.  I finally got to meet people, more like my neighbors. They are a couple our age, and they are the sweetest ever, they are fun to be around. Although Tj didn't get to meet them I am sure that when he gets back he will get along with them just fine. :)

  I got a job at the CDC on base, so I'm trying to in-process and there is sooooo much paper work it's crazy!! oh did I mention that because the base does not have any of my shot records I have to get all my shots all over again? yes all my shots since I was a baby!!  God I am not looking forward to this at all!


I really want to have the house ready for when Tj gets back I want it to feel very home sweet home like. Because Tj doesn't really have a room for himself, we have decided that the garage will be his "man cave" lol. I have some great ideas for it. He loves zombies and Star Wars so I came up with the idea to combine both of them some how and decorate the garage like that. It will be the room he uses to hang out with his friends or whatever he wants to do. I showed him the ideas and he is super excited about it. It will be something nice to come home to. I haven't decided if I should make it a surprise and not show him any pictures of it until he gets home. But any way that's how I will be keeping busy lol while he is deployed.

  I've really had a lot of support from other spouses I've met they have helped me keep sane. I try no to think to much of how long we have left in the deployment so that I don't go crazy. What I do is I try to plan different things to do so that I have other things to look forward to and not just homecoming date. It makes time go by a little fast I want to say.  It really does help. I came across this the other day and it's perfect!

         Deployment Prayer

Dear Lord:

Give me the strength to say goodbye. Hold back the tear in my eye.

Cure my insomnia so that I may sleep alone. Give me a reason to awake when I've none.

Dear Lord:

Please help me pace myself. Allow me to turn to you for help,

And please let me be strong for him, Even if I've reached the brim.

Dear Lord:

Please make time go fast. I don't know how long I can last.

This is the hardest time of my life, But this is my job: the Airman's wife.

Dear Lord:

Let them all stay strong. Give them the will to go on,

And Lord, Please bring back all our men. In the name of our country. Amen.

I'm not super religious, but this I couldn't resist sharing and adding to my favorites. I'm starting to think of what kind of care packages to send him. I was able to order free boxes and shipping labels from the USPS. I have quite a bit of dates that I must send him packages, his birthday, our anniversary, etc.  But deployment sucks and I can only try to take it one day at a time. I just pray that I keep sane. 

 

By far the hardest goodbye yet. :(

It has been a crazy few weeks. After deciding to take a mini vacation I decided to spend as much time as I could with Tj with the move and him deploying that's all I wanted to do.. DC was amazing saw a lot places and memorials. It was funny because we walked everywhere and we looked like total tourist lol with a map and stopping in middle of places to see what street we were on! We went to China town, I was hoping to see something super cool like the movies lol but I guess Tj said Washington DC doesn't have a "cool" china town. :) the different memorials were really cool. But the one that stood out the most to us was the Arlington cemetery. It was such a powerful place. Specially the tomb of the unknown soldier. We waited to see the change of guard. It was such an honor to be able to watch. It means so much more when you are in the military.
After we got home we had to pack because we had to move into the house by the end of that week. Trust me when I say we waiting till the last minute to pack. Thankfully we got helped and were able to move into the house. The house looks great! It's coming along great I already even painted one wall :) in the living room. We have my friend Micah living with us and its been great having her. Her baby it's adorable!! He is a funny boy too. Even though he is only 7 weeks old. He has such a great personality already and he is very calm!! Only cries if he is hungry!

Everything was happening so fast that we forgot Tj was leaving soon. We got a date for when he was leaving a week before it was time to go. And it was the fastest week I've ever been through. I tried to spend as much time as I could with him, but it never seemed like enough. I most say that deep down inside I was hoping they would cancel the deployment and he wasn't going. As the days got closer I would ask him if he was sure there wasn't anything he could do to not leave. I really didn't want him to go! :( we packed all of the day before and the day of. I hated it I really wish I didn't have to do it!! The day of was the worse because I kept crying and I felt bad because I didn't want to make things worse for him. But I just could not help it. As it became hours I grew more and more anxious and emotional I really did not want this day to come. 1:15 came and if was time to say bye to Micah and I even started crying when he said bye to her and Bella I still had a few more hours before I had to say bye!! I already knew I was going to be a bigger mess later.
I decided to follow the bus to the airport, and wait with him until he left. It was bitter sweet. Happy that I could be with him but dying inside because I didn't want to say goodbye. I think that deep down inside I was still hoping some how they would cancel it. But they didn't. The time to say good bye came and I couldn't help it but to cry, tears jut starting falling down my face and I couldn't stop it. As we got up from the chairs to hug, I didn't want to let go. I could see the pain in his eyes, I could tell how guilty he felt saying goodbye and having to leave me behind. It hurt so much. I swear this was the hardest goodbye I've had to say yet. And as much as I tell myself it's the same time as basic and tech school, it doesn't make it any better because this its different . He is in a different country. It hard to explain but it's different. I tried not to look back and just leave but I couldn't! I stood there as we stared at each other him waiting in line and I was by the chairs waiting for a friend I just wanted to run back and ask him to not leave but I couldn't move, I couldn't bring myself to put him through more pain then he was. We both were in pain and I know he knew I was and he could tell I knew he was too. Cried my way to the car and was able to keep it together in the car. But when I walked in the house and Bella greeted me, I walked straight to the kitchen and cried couldn't stay downstairs, I grabbed water and came upstairs were his pillow still smelled like him and I just started to cry, couldn't stop wishing this day never came. I didn't know what to do with myself it hurt so bad and i could not stop crying. I thought I was prepared for it I really did, but boy was I wrong! It never gets any easier. I was not ready for this and I don't think I will ever be. I finally fell asleep. but walk up in the middle of the night. i woke up and felt around the bed for him until I realized he had left and he wont be back, for the next six months.

Tough being a military wife it's an honor it comes with its sacrifices and this being one of them. It could be days before I hear from Tj. But I keep praying that time flies and that I can make it through this, one day at a time.