After we got home we had to pack because we had to move into the house by the end of that week. Trust me when I say we waiting till the last minute to pack. Thankfully we got helped and were able to move into the house. The house looks great! It's coming along great I already even painted one wall :) in the living room. We have my friend Micah living with us and its been great having her. Her baby it's adorable!! He is a funny boy too. Even though he is only 7 weeks old. He has such a great personality already and he is very calm!! Only cries if he is hungry!
Everything was happening so fast that we forgot Tj was leaving soon. We got a date for when he was leaving a week before it was time to go. And it was the fastest week I've ever been through. I tried to spend as much time as I could with him, but it never seemed like enough. I most say that deep down inside I was hoping they would cancel the deployment and he wasn't going. As the days got closer I would ask him if he was sure there wasn't anything he could do to not leave. I really didn't want him to go! :( we packed all of the day before and the day of. I hated it I really wish I didn't have to do it!! The day of was the worse because I kept crying and I felt bad because I didn't want to make things worse for him. But I just could not help it. As it became hours I grew more and more anxious and emotional I really did not want this day to come. 1:15 came and if was time to say bye to Micah and I even started crying when he said bye to her and Bella I still had a few more hours before I had to say bye!! I already knew I was going to be a bigger mess later.
I decided to follow the bus to the airport, and wait with him until he left. It was bitter sweet. Happy that I could be with him but dying inside because I didn't want to say goodbye. I think that deep down inside I was still hoping some how they would cancel it. But they didn't. The time to say good bye came and I couldn't help it but to cry, tears jut starting falling down my face and I couldn't stop it. As we got up from the chairs to hug, I didn't want to let go. I could see the pain in his eyes, I could tell how guilty he felt saying goodbye and having to leave me behind. It hurt so much. I swear this was the hardest goodbye I've had to say yet. And as much as I tell myself it's the same time as basic and tech school, it doesn't make it any better because this its different . He is in a different country. It hard to explain but it's different. I tried not to look back and just leave but I couldn't! I stood there as we stared at each other him waiting in line and I was by the chairs waiting for a friend I just wanted to run back and ask him to not leave but I couldn't move, I couldn't bring myself to put him through more pain then he was. We both were in pain and I know he knew I was and he could tell I knew he was too. Cried my way to the car and was able to keep it together in the car. But when I walked in the house and Bella greeted me, I walked straight to the kitchen and cried couldn't stay downstairs, I grabbed water and came upstairs were his pillow still smelled like him and I just started to cry, couldn't stop wishing this day never came. I didn't know what to do with myself it hurt so bad and i could not stop crying. I thought I was prepared for it I really did, but boy was I wrong! It never gets any easier. I was not ready for this and I don't think I will ever be. I finally fell asleep. but walk up in the middle of the night. i woke up and felt around the bed for him until I realized he had left and he wont be back, for the next six months.
Tough being a military wife it's an honor it comes with its sacrifices and this being one of them. It could be days before I hear from Tj. But I keep praying that time flies and that I can make it through this, one day at a time.
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