Tj has been gone for a week, and I prepared my self for this, I told my self many times that it was going to be hard, to stay strong. Don't get me wrong, I am staying strong and I am okay but that doesn't mean I don't get frustrated and that I am not hurting because he isn't here. I get to talk to him everyday and that's great but that's not what I miss. I miss having him physically here with me, within arms reach. I really hope I am not the only one that feels this way. Some days are harder then others. Sometimes I just want to run and scream, because I want him home. I don't know where I would run ..lol but that's all I want to do...run. I can only assume I want to run to him. (It would be a hard run from here Virginia to Nevada lol )
It's very hard to be away from Tj. I can only TRY to explain the feelings. When I dropped him off so he could go to that training, I felt like a piece of my heart was taken, and now there's this hole that cannot be filled. Talking to him, texting him doesn't quite do it. Some days I can deal with it and its easy but other days I can't! I just can't bring myself to ignore that hole that's there. I just miss him sooo much that it hurts, it hurts like if someone is making that hole bigger, and I just don't know what to do. All I want to do is run and scream and cry and beg for him to hurry up and come home. Sometimes I feel silly for feeling that way because I am sure there are other wives who are going through worse. But whether is two weeks or a year, when the person you love is not there...the feelings are the same.Everyday I miss him a little too much. I try my best at keeping strong but sometimes I just can't. I think about trying to think about not thinking how far away he is, but instead I think about him more, I miss him even more... All I want is a phone call or a text..I get it...but realize that it's not what I need it's not filling that hole that's there...I try to get a full night sleep, but I can't because I didn't get my good night kiss and I find myself waking up in the middle of the night missing him and feeling the bed trying to find him, and feeling cold because he isn't there to keep me warm...I wake up in the morning he isn't there, I go to the store I come home to an empty apartment, and on a day that I feel like I can't do it anymore, all I do is cry without even knowing. Tears just fall down my face and I can't stop it. I miss him and I just can't help but to hurt, but to feel like something big is missing. No one can understand what is like to miss someone that much, the only possible people that can, are those strangers that we meet online called MILSOs because they are going through the same thing. They understand what is like to worry all day, to wait days for a phone call, to have to to take care of everything because he is gone, to have to adjust to him not being there. They are the only ones that can understand having him gone for weeks, getting destroyed emotionally because you have to say good bye and then have him home for a few more weeks and then doing it all over again, having to say good bye and get that hole in the heart feeling all over again, but that time you have to say good bye for longer so it's one thousand times harder. Only they can understand what is like to love that some one so much, that it hurts, that distance means nothing, and only makes the love and relationship stronger...
Sometimes I think that we live in a movie or a fairy tale that resets every year. We find the person we love , our hero, our prince charming the person we can't be without. They deploy we miss them like crazy we go crazy trying to keep busy, we write emails, we get phone calls when possible, we send care packages with their favorite things, we promise every time to wait for them here at home, to be home when they get home, and most of all to be strong, and then after that deployment is over we get our Fairy tale happy ending. We are happy because they are home, we kept our promises and patiently waited for him to come home; we get to get all dresses up and ready to go pick them up at the base, like they show at the movies the part where we see them and we run to them ...until six months later the story resets and we have to do it all over again. But as much as we don't want to hear it, we knew what we were getting into when we married a military man. We knew it was going to be hard, but once again no matter how much we know, or how much we prepare, things always feel different when you are going through them. But the love is so strong, that we wouldn't change it for anything in the world.
Hey I just e-mailed you.
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