The last push is the hardest.

As this deployment, is almost coming to an end I feel like it's getting hard. Maybe because I am so over being at home alone and waiting. I know I know "you knew what you were getting yourself into, get used to this is only the first one" but I still have the right to at some point stop being so strong and just let myself deal with the emotion as they come. Right now I fee frustrated and angry that time can't go any faster. I think that the hardest part is trying to keep busy to make time go by faster on in my case to not think about time. But even then I still feel like I can't do this last push. It almost feels like I am about to go crazy, all I want to do is scream and kick or something even cry my eyes out. I think is safe to say that I've become very emotional! I try to not to show it t Tj. Sometimes miss him so much all I want to do is lay in bed and cry. But I know that not matter how much I cry, or stay down it's not going to make him come home sooner. I just can't seem to be able to shake off this funk off!

 However this  time he has been away I've been able to make great friends, all of which I can't wait to introduce to him when he comes home. We are planning on having this BBQ to welcome him and his team home I'm really hoping that our other friends that are deployed, but not with Tj come home around the same time so we can just have one big BBQ. I never thought I was going to miss friends so much, but with the little time we all spent together before deployment they became my family. Tj new them from Tech school but for me I met them when I got here, and I  love them all like the were real family. I most admit I worry about all of them everyday. When they left it wasn't just my husband that left ALL of them deployed and it was hard admitting to myself that I was alone here. I miss this guys so much and it makes me sick to know that soon after them come home I might be leaving to basic, and won't get to spend too much time with them.

I was always told that when you are in the military, you don't have friends you are all one big family and we all look out for each other. I didn't believe it until now that's exactly what it feels like. We are one big family and we look out for each other, even when they are miles and miles away, they still take time to message me and check in on me to make sure I am okay. Something friends that I have known all my life don't do.


This last push really is the hardest for me, he is so close to coming home yet it feels like he is so far from coming home, from three digit days count down now to double digits. We have come a long way this deployment, it hasn't been easy at all. Now I just pray that, God brings my hubby and his team and our other friends home safe, it's been a long wait they deserve to coming home in one piece!! I'm so beyond ready to have them home!!!