The first week is the hardest..

  So the hubby has been gone for about a week now, and it's been crazy. I've been trying to adjust to being away from him, and it's hard. I get to talk to him everyday though. When he first left it was weird because I wasn't sure when I was going to be able to hear from him, but I kept my cool and try no to get to anxious.
  He is working nights so communication is alright, sometimes I wake up early in the morning just to talk to him, or I would go to bed late if he is up.

  I have found that keeping busy and having friends over, helps you a lot specially that first week when I'm trying to adjust to him being gone.  I finally got to meet people, more like my neighbors. They are a couple our age, and they are the sweetest ever, they are fun to be around. Although Tj didn't get to meet them I am sure that when he gets back he will get along with them just fine. :)

  I got a job at the CDC on base, so I'm trying to in-process and there is sooooo much paper work it's crazy!! oh did I mention that because the base does not have any of my shot records I have to get all my shots all over again? yes all my shots since I was a baby!!  God I am not looking forward to this at all!


I really want to have the house ready for when Tj gets back I want it to feel very home sweet home like. Because Tj doesn't really have a room for himself, we have decided that the garage will be his "man cave" lol. I have some great ideas for it. He loves zombies and Star Wars so I came up with the idea to combine both of them some how and decorate the garage like that. It will be the room he uses to hang out with his friends or whatever he wants to do. I showed him the ideas and he is super excited about it. It will be something nice to come home to. I haven't decided if I should make it a surprise and not show him any pictures of it until he gets home. But any way that's how I will be keeping busy lol while he is deployed.

  I've really had a lot of support from other spouses I've met they have helped me keep sane. I try no to think to much of how long we have left in the deployment so that I don't go crazy. What I do is I try to plan different things to do so that I have other things to look forward to and not just homecoming date. It makes time go by a little fast I want to say.  It really does help. I came across this the other day and it's perfect!

         Deployment Prayer

Dear Lord:

Give me the strength to say goodbye. Hold back the tear in my eye.

Cure my insomnia so that I may sleep alone. Give me a reason to awake when I've none.

Dear Lord:

Please help me pace myself. Allow me to turn to you for help,

And please let me be strong for him, Even if I've reached the brim.

Dear Lord:

Please make time go fast. I don't know how long I can last.

This is the hardest time of my life, But this is my job: the Airman's wife.

Dear Lord:

Let them all stay strong. Give them the will to go on,

And Lord, Please bring back all our men. In the name of our country. Amen.

I'm not super religious, but this I couldn't resist sharing and adding to my favorites. I'm starting to think of what kind of care packages to send him. I was able to order free boxes and shipping labels from the USPS. I have quite a bit of dates that I must send him packages, his birthday, our anniversary, etc.  But deployment sucks and I can only try to take it one day at a time. I just pray that I keep sane. 

 

By far the hardest goodbye yet. :(

It has been a crazy few weeks. After deciding to take a mini vacation I decided to spend as much time as I could with Tj with the move and him deploying that's all I wanted to do.. DC was amazing saw a lot places and memorials. It was funny because we walked everywhere and we looked like total tourist lol with a map and stopping in middle of places to see what street we were on! We went to China town, I was hoping to see something super cool like the movies lol but I guess Tj said Washington DC doesn't have a "cool" china town. :) the different memorials were really cool. But the one that stood out the most to us was the Arlington cemetery. It was such a powerful place. Specially the tomb of the unknown soldier. We waited to see the change of guard. It was such an honor to be able to watch. It means so much more when you are in the military.
After we got home we had to pack because we had to move into the house by the end of that week. Trust me when I say we waiting till the last minute to pack. Thankfully we got helped and were able to move into the house. The house looks great! It's coming along great I already even painted one wall :) in the living room. We have my friend Micah living with us and its been great having her. Her baby it's adorable!! He is a funny boy too. Even though he is only 7 weeks old. He has such a great personality already and he is very calm!! Only cries if he is hungry!

Everything was happening so fast that we forgot Tj was leaving soon. We got a date for when he was leaving a week before it was time to go. And it was the fastest week I've ever been through. I tried to spend as much time as I could with him, but it never seemed like enough. I most say that deep down inside I was hoping they would cancel the deployment and he wasn't going. As the days got closer I would ask him if he was sure there wasn't anything he could do to not leave. I really didn't want him to go! :( we packed all of the day before and the day of. I hated it I really wish I didn't have to do it!! The day of was the worse because I kept crying and I felt bad because I didn't want to make things worse for him. But I just could not help it. As it became hours I grew more and more anxious and emotional I really did not want this day to come. 1:15 came and if was time to say bye to Micah and I even started crying when he said bye to her and Bella I still had a few more hours before I had to say bye!! I already knew I was going to be a bigger mess later.
I decided to follow the bus to the airport, and wait with him until he left. It was bitter sweet. Happy that I could be with him but dying inside because I didn't want to say goodbye. I think that deep down inside I was still hoping some how they would cancel it. But they didn't. The time to say good bye came and I couldn't help it but to cry, tears jut starting falling down my face and I couldn't stop it. As we got up from the chairs to hug, I didn't want to let go. I could see the pain in his eyes, I could tell how guilty he felt saying goodbye and having to leave me behind. It hurt so much. I swear this was the hardest goodbye I've had to say yet. And as much as I tell myself it's the same time as basic and tech school, it doesn't make it any better because this its different . He is in a different country. It hard to explain but it's different. I tried not to look back and just leave but I couldn't! I stood there as we stared at each other him waiting in line and I was by the chairs waiting for a friend I just wanted to run back and ask him to not leave but I couldn't move, I couldn't bring myself to put him through more pain then he was. We both were in pain and I know he knew I was and he could tell I knew he was too. Cried my way to the car and was able to keep it together in the car. But when I walked in the house and Bella greeted me, I walked straight to the kitchen and cried couldn't stay downstairs, I grabbed water and came upstairs were his pillow still smelled like him and I just started to cry, couldn't stop wishing this day never came. I didn't know what to do with myself it hurt so bad and i could not stop crying. I thought I was prepared for it I really did, but boy was I wrong! It never gets any easier. I was not ready for this and I don't think I will ever be. I finally fell asleep. but walk up in the middle of the night. i woke up and felt around the bed for him until I realized he had left and he wont be back, for the next six months.

Tough being a military wife it's an honor it comes with its sacrifices and this being one of them. It could be days before I hear from Tj. But I keep praying that time flies and that I can make it through this, one day at a time.

Mini Vacation :)

It's been great to have Tj back at home even though it's for just a little bit, it's better then nothing. It's been a crazy week I must say. We are due to move form the apartment here at the end of the month, we were going to move to another apartment complex, but we looked at the housing list and saw that we moves up on the list and that we could get a house in the middle of our lease and that we might have to decline it!!! So I called the housing office and talked to them and explained the situation and the girl said that if we changed the date for when we needed a house that we might be able to get a house sooner! So we did and next thing we know we get a call from the manager saying that there is a house available for move in March 29!! 2 bedroom 1.5 bath!! Tj and I are so excited!! :) we have can't see the inside because it's being fixed but we are hoping it's not to bad the house was build in 1997 and it look great. We keep it positive and reminding each other that this is no the house we are going to live in for the rest of our lives and that financially it just best! Besides a house it's what you make it I think that if we decorate it really nice and take good care it of it would be great. Another thing to keep in mind is that Tj is not very high raking so with ranking comes luxury lol :) We are just very excited to be able to say we have a house, a yard for Bella to play in and enough room to have people over.
  
    Aside from the house news, TJ was able to take some leave before he deploys so we decided to have a weekend get away to Washington DC. This is the first time we go on a vacation together just him and I. :) we are so exciting to be able to do something we want and to spend some time together just him and I. Specially knowing that he is deploying for six months and at any point during those six months I could be going to basic :) I must say my process to joining the Airforce is very slow lol my appointment for meps keeps getting pushed back.  I was finally able to take my ASVAB and pass it!! I was so scared lol now is just a matter being able to make it to meps. With only having one card and TJ working we have to find a time when tj is off work and I can take the car I unfortunately have to drive myself there. I'm hoping that all the process is done soon before Tj leaves so that we can at least have an idea of what is going on. NO MATTER how long this takes I will make this happen :)

No way one can explain!

    When you get married to someone that's in the military all you ever hear is "it's going to be hard, you will have to work extra hard at making it work". It's true! When someone gets married to someone in the military there is a lot that one has to be prepared for. Nights alone, being able to take care of things on your own, keeping good communication, and staying strong. No matter how much they explain it, no matter how much someone prepares for deployment, there is no way to explain the actual feelings that are there once it happens, once you are actually going through it.
     Tj has been gone for a week, and I prepared my self for this, I told my self many times that it was going to be hard, to stay strong. Don't get me wrong, I am staying strong and I am okay but that doesn't mean I don't get frustrated and that I am not hurting because he isn't here. I get to talk to him everyday and that's great but that's not what I miss. I miss having him physically here with me, within arms reach. I really hope I am not the only one that feels this way. Some days are harder then others. Sometimes I just want to run and scream, because I want him home. I don't know where I would run ..lol but that's all I want to do...run. I can only assume I want to run to him. (It would be a hard run from here Virginia to Nevada lol )

     It's very hard to be away from Tj. I can only TRY to explain the feelings. When I dropped him off so he could go to that training, I felt like a piece of my heart was taken, and now there's this hole that cannot be filled.  Talking to him, texting  him doesn't quite do it. Some days I can deal with it and its easy but other days I can't! I just can't bring myself to ignore that hole that's there. I just miss him sooo much that it hurts, it hurts like if someone is making that hole bigger, and I just don't know what to do. All I want to do is run and scream and cry and beg for him to hurry up and come home. Sometimes I feel silly for feeling that way because I am sure there are other wives who are going through worse. But whether is two weeks or a year, when the person you love is not there...the feelings are the same.Everyday I miss him a little too much.  I try my best at keeping strong but sometimes I just can't. I think about trying to think about not thinking how far away he is, but instead I think about him more, I miss him even more...  All I want is a phone call or a text..I get it...but realize that it's not what I need it's not filling that hole that's there...I try to get a full night sleep, but I can't because I didn't get my good night kiss and I find myself waking up in the middle of the night missing him and feeling the bed trying to find him, and feeling cold because he isn't there to keep me warm...I wake up in the morning he isn't there, I go to the store I come home to an empty apartment, and on a day that I feel like I can't do it anymore, all I do is cry without even knowing. Tears just fall down my face and I can't stop it. I miss him and I just can't help but to hurt, but to feel like something big is missing.   No one can understand what is like to miss someone that much, the only possible people that can, are those strangers that we meet online called MILSOs because they are going through the same thing. They understand what is like to worry all day, to wait days for a phone call, to have to to take care of everything because he is gone, to have to adjust to him not being there. They are the only ones that can understand having him gone for weeks, getting destroyed emotionally because you have to say good bye and then have him home for a few more weeks and then doing it all over again, having to say good bye and get that hole in the heart feeling all over again, but that time you have to say good bye for longer so it's one thousand times harder. Only they can understand what is like to love that some one so much, that it hurts, that distance means nothing, and only makes the love and relationship stronger...
   Sometimes I think that we live in a movie or a fairy tale that resets every year. We find the person we love , our hero, our prince charming the person we can't be without. They deploy we miss them like crazy we go crazy trying to keep busy, we write emails, we get phone calls when possible, we send care packages with their favorite things, we promise every time to wait for them here at home, to be home when they get home, and most of all to be strong, and then after that deployment is over we get our Fairy tale happy ending. We are happy because they are home, we kept our promises and patiently waited for him to come home; we get to get all dresses up and ready to go pick them up at the base, like they show at the movies the part where we see them and we run to them ...until six months later the story resets and we have to do it all over again. But as much as we don't want to hear it, we knew what we were getting into when we married a military man. We knew it was going to be hard, but once again no matter how much we know, or how much we prepare, things always feel different when you are going through them.  But the love is so strong, that we wouldn't change it for anything in the world.

Pre-deployment...

    So I've been busy this past few weeks so it's been hard to sit down, and write my thoughts. Plus as we military wives know when the husband is going to pre deployment training or TDY even for just two weeks we want to spend as much time as possible with him. Well... that's my case.
     My husband left Saturday at 3am to Vegas for pre deployment training. As much as I told myself it's only two weeks, and you will be able to talk to him and text him, I have to admit still hard. This is the first time since my husband got out of tech school that I have to be away from him, not sleep in the same bed as him, not be able to see him every day, or even text him all day. It has been a little bit of an adjustment. I had gotten in a routine, he would go to work come home and I would get to spend the evening with him, and on his days off I would spend it with him. And now that I come home to an empty apartment, and not being able to go to bed with him and spend most of the day alone it's a bit scary for when actual deployment gets here.
   It's only been two days since he left. The first day was hard, it was a Saturday I didn't have to work, so I spend it at home watching Army Wives eating junk food LOL and today well I had a friend come over and we had dinner and worked on a little deployment project we had planned...Bella (the dog) has been a little sad she waits by the door and sometimes won't even leave my side. It's weird but I think she knew that TJ was leaving because the day he was packing she would not leave his side and follow him everywhere! Even on the way to drop him off usually she waits for me on everything but that day all she wanted to do was be next to him and walk by his side, and for the first time ever she cried the whole time we were driving off base weird I know but I"m not lying. It amazes me how much dogs know without you even telling them. I think that the time difference it's going to be a pain in the butt!!! `8 hour difference it's crazy I am hoping that I can like work it out and still have time to talk to him and not affect his hours.
  Even though it's only a 2 week TDY and I know that I can talk to him, it's hard and this is helping me understand a little more what deployment will be like. I didn't actually hit me that TJ was leaving until he walked in with all his gear. It was then that I realized there was no turning back, there was nothing I could do he had to deploy. The feeling I had I can't really explain, I just felt like someone had slapped me back to reality and said "hello, wake up this is really happening" as much as we talked about it, as much as I tried to prepare myself, it didn't actually hit me until he brought the bags home. At that point all I wanted to do was spend time with him and make the last few days count.
     When I dropped him off at the squadron, so that he can get on the bus and leave for training the whole way there I was telling myself " Don't cry it's only a two week TDY, don't cry, don't cry" I was very quiet it on the ride there so quiet that Tj kept asking me "are you alright? you are like staring into space" reality was if I said something I was going to cry, I was just telling my self don't cry. I wanted, and have to be strong for him. We have no choice he can't worry about things that are happening or even about me being okay. His head has to be in the game and paying attention at all times, this training is what is going to keep him safe in case something were to happen he needs to pay attention. When he came back from picking up his weapon, he grabbed his bags and put them by the bus so that they can be loaded. He came back to say bye. He hugged me and kissed me and said I love you. I wasn't crying but I was shocked up and I had to make an extra effort to make my words come out of my mouth. I got back in the car and left. I was preparing myself since we got news that he was deploying, but the reality of this is that when the moment is there, you don't know what you are going to do or how you are going to react. After I left I cried my eyes out. I honestly couldn't figure out why. It made me feel better lol!
   But I believe that by keeping busy it will help to make time go by fast, and off thinking about being so far apart. Having friend over and friends that one can rely on will so be a big help. Thank God that I will have Micah and Keirstin for support. Deployments, TDYs, or anything that requires to be away from my Airman will NEVER be easy, but with time your get stronger and you learn new ways to deal with him being away, and the distance.

So hard loosing weight!

     I have been so busy this week, in the mix of work, going to see the recruiter, getting my paper work ready for MEPS and trying work out and study for the test along with all the house duties, it just never stops!!! This week I have worked extra hard to try to loose the weight that I need to make the requirement but it just seems to not happen, I have tried everything, but nothing seems to work and I am starting to get discouraged and stressed about it. I have my dream at the tips of my fingers and I am about to lose it again because of something so dumb as it is to lose weight. It's actually very annoying. I don't think it helps that I am stressing about the ASVAB. I get really nervous when it comes to taking a test, add the fact that is times and OMG I am screwed my brain completely goes blank! I am worried that I won't pass it! :(

   As it gets closer to the test and MEPS, it means its getting closer for Tjs training and his deployment will be right around the corner. I am starting to freak out a little. Wanting to spend as much time as possible with him before he goes, but it always seems impossible because of my work, and all the things that he has to do for his deployment. It never stops!

    Last week or the week before he got his small pox shot. It requires a lot of taking care of. AND cant I just said that it's very annoying?!?! I can't touch his arm at all, and if I do it by accident even if it had double protection, I have to wash my hands. Now when we are sleeping, he refuses to switch sides so the arm it's on its in the middle and its very easy for me to accidentally bump into it, making sleep a bit harder. Which anyways sleep its been getting harder and harder, I find myself going to bed at 8 or 8:30 and waking up at 3 or 4 if not many many times during the night. I wake up very tired still working all day on my feet and doing all that I do it doesn't help. It seems like I just don't have energy for anything anymore! :( ugh.

 Besides all this that is going on, life is good I can't expect for things to happens always the way I want them. There always has to be a bump in the road. I know God will help me get through this, and accomplish everything. :)

Is it just me?....

    It's been a great day!! :) Tj and I decided what we wanted to go, and visit his mom and dad in Charlottesville! It's been such a great time, we love coming up here because the views are so pretty and not to mention we love spending time with them :) Unfortunately we have to go back home to tomorrow, as TJ has training on Tuesday and I have work... Such a bummer sometimes I wish we didn't have to work and we could just spend time with family. 

   Something that I have learned about being in a military wife, is that your action can affect your husband. I have seen it happen. I rather many times keep my mouth shut, than to say or do something that can affect my hubby, and maybe even put him in harms way. I  LOVE social networks, I think it's a great way to keep in contact with people, and to meet friends. Thanks to social networking I have made many, life long friends. However you have to know how to  handle social networking. I support and I will stand behind every  single one of my MILSO I don't care what branch you are from, we are all in the same situation serving the same country. What I do not stand behind is ignorance, immaturity, and stupidity. 

  Is it just me or one of the biggest things I hate is when  I go on Instagram or Facebook and see a post of a fellow MILSO complaining about the situation she/he is in. Saying such things as "My husband/wife is doing this so that all of you can have your freedom" I'm sorry that you had to miss a birthday, St Patricks day, Valentines Day, etc but those are things that come with being a MILSO and we knew that the moment they signed that contract (I know it's the last thing we want to hear is "you knew what you were getting yourself into but sometimes we need to hear it) his carrier, his life and time would be dedicated to the military whether we like it or not. Making our civilians friends feel bad about it,  it's not going to change anything!  What I can tell you is that there are other wives that have had it much more worse than missing a holiday. What about those that have giving birth while their husbands are over seas? or the ones that have been alone all their pregnancies? NO ONE should have to miss the birth of their own child, but yet you don't hear them complaining about it...they stay strong and know that their husbands are doing what is best for them. Those are the type of MILSOs that I respect, specially the ones that stay home with the kids while their hubbies are away. 

  Another thing I really hate is when people are ignorant, and rude over social networking. I understand that we have the right of speech, but come on that does not mean that we have to go out and disrespect, or offend other people. We are all have the right to our opinion but sometimes is best to not say anything or put it in a way where, someone is not going to get offended. We play a big role in our husbands life, and like I said before we represent them when they are not with us, and the things we say, post or do can and WILL affect your husband. Like may of my friends say "Once you join the military you don't have full rights"  Posting something offensive about someone, a race or anything is rude and wrong. Imagine going to your husbands supervisor or chief and saying something that might of offend them... I don't know about anyone but that is something that I would regret very fast. So why in the world are some MILSOs going on social networks posting things that can offend people??!?!?!?!? what if your husbands higher up see it? Please explain to me how you would handle that? Please just keep your opinion to your self you don't know who is offending. 

  Yes we are military wives and things aren't always easy for us, but we are also not the center of the world! The world does not revolve around us. There is no reason why we need to make civilians feel like they should feel sorry for us because our husbands are fighting for our freedom. 

  It's very annoying to see post of wives complaining, trying to make people feel sorry for them, posting stupid stuff (pictures of alcohol when you are clearly underage) posting your whole personal life it's annoying, and not to mention it makes us all look bad! SPECIALLY if you get down to the level of arguing and fighting over social networking!!! and if you ask me that is immature and naive!! 

As a milso lets please keep in mind the things we do or post, and how we act because we don't know who is watching, or reading, who it might hurt or even offend or who's life we can be putting in danger for posting the wrong thing! COME ON LADIES we are classier than this!!!! 

 On that note is time for me to go bed, it's been a long day!!!!!  But I found this so I thought I share! :)